Character

John Sweetman

So you have your eye on someone that you would like to mentor you. It could be a friend, an associate, or someone you hardly know. How do you actually initiate the mentoring relationship?

The best way of course is for them to approach you. But there are plenty of reasons why this will not happen. Maybe they don’t have a vision for mentoring. Maybe they don’t feel like they have anything to offer. Maybe they don’t think that you would be interested. Maybe they haven’t even considered the possibility. Maybe they’re focusing on the tasks they have to do. Maybe they haven’t seen your potential.

The chances are that if you sit and wait for someone to offer to mentor you, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Even when you do get an offer, it may not be from the type of person you were hoping for. So in reality if you are serious about being mentored, you have to be proactive. 

One option is to ask the person to mentor you. This seems pretty obvious and in some cases is the best option. I have been approached many times to provide mentoring and often I have said yes. I know what mentoring is all about and I appreciate the direct approach. If I can’t fit it in, I will say no. So if you are sure of who you want as your mentor and can handle possible rejection, go ahead and ask them.

Sometimes it’s better to take a more low-key approach. Factors that might make this a better option are:

• You’re not positive it will be a helpful relationship.
• You’re not sure if the person knows how to mentor.
• You don’t know the person very well or he/she doesn’t know you very well.
• You’re not confident about making a long-term commitment.
• Your potential mentor is very busy and may not want further commitments.

In this case, it’s better to ask whether you can meet with the potential mentor to talk about some issues. If the meeting proves helpful, you could suggest another get together. At subsequent meetings you could then explore a more permanent arrangement, if both of you are interested. 

I am so thankful for the mentors in my life. I doubt whether I would have survived the pressures of Christian leadership without them. They are a precious gift from God. Please don’t miss out on the benefits of mentoring because you never get around to asking!

"I'd rather die than embarrass Jesus Christ." - Rick Warren

 Rick isn't everyone's ideal Christian leader, but it is hard to NOT admire his passion for Jesus. Check out this insight into what he recently said to a gathering of Christian leaders on Mark Batterson's blog.

With many (most) of our readers being on the younger side of their leadership experience, we probably (definitely) need some help with our ego's. There is a great series of posts by Craig Groeschel at http://swerve.lifechurch.tv/ going on at the moment on "dealing with immaturity".

Craig Groeschel is senior pastor of lifechurch.tv.

John Sweetman

Let me share just a few more thoughts about perseverance before it's time to move on to easier topics. (I've probably already persevered beyond your capacity to maintain interest.) Here's a few other ideas that have helped me to stay motivated in leadership.

1. Lead with a team.
I don't think God designed us to lead by ourselves. It's too lonely and it's too hard. For example, I notice that Paul always appointed elders (plural) to lead churches. We're just not smart enough, or strong enough, or sensitive enough, or gifted enough to lead by ourselves. You need a team to work with who will share the responsibility and the vision.

I'm strongly task (rather than people) oriented, but I learned very early on in Christian leadership that I need a team. The only times I've felt like quitting have been when I've been under pressure and isolated. Don't shoulder responsibility completely alone. Build a team. (I'll talk more about building team in a future neoLeader article.)

2. Reflect with one or two good friends (or mentors) outside your role.
Solomon says, "Two are better than one...If one falls down his friend can help him up. But pity the person who falls and has no one to help her up." (Eccl 4:9-10) While a team is important, you also need someone outside your leadership team who can provide perspective for you; who can help you up (or help you out) when everyone and everything seems to be falling around you.

I have found my best friends invaluable. When I feel frustrated or despondent or bored, I tell them how I'm feeling and listen to what they say. This helps me get my concerns out, but also provides me with invaluable insights. I'm not sure I would have been able to persevere in heavy leadership responsibility without my best friends.

3. Take time out.
You have probably noticed that leadership is a giving business. You're leading for the sake of others. This is as it should be. But you can't give forever. Eventually your energy runs out. Adrenalin can only take you so far. So you need time to be refreshed spiritually and emotionally. You have to decide what replenishes you and build that into your life. Otherwise, eventually you'll burn out.

On top of time with my friends, I need daily time with God and with my wife, I need time by myself to veg out, and I need space to solve puzzles (crosswords, sudoku, etc.). Okay I know I'm a nerd, but at least I'm honest. When I'm feeling emotionally and spiritually healthy, I find it much easier to stay enthusiastic.

Well that's enough on perseverance. If you have any further ideas or questions on this issue, just add them on the webpage.

John Sweetman

I've been speaking about perseverance in the last few emails. I was prompted to do so by Dan my twenty-two year old, just married son. He asked me, “How do you stay motivated Dad?” I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking about marriage (although obviously it applies), but about continuing to lead when honestly you don't feel like doing it any more.

In this email, I want to share some advice that Paul the apostle gives on this issue. Next week I will share some other things that have helped me stay motivated. Firstly, here's some thoughts from Paul.

1. Keep your eyes on the goal (Phil 3:12-14)

Paul says, “I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Here Paul is picturing himself as an athlete in the middle of a race, pressing on towards the finish line. The middle of a race is a difficult place to be - the initial energy is gone, but there is still a long way to go. So Paul says, “I keep my eyes on the finish line.”

If you just look at your circumstances, eventually you'll give up. There come times when the effort is just not worth for the meagre results you are seeing. But it's not about now, it's about then. God will come through if you hang in there. And our deepest passion is a “Well done” when we finally stand before our Lord.

2. Push yourself (1 Cor 9:26-27)

Paul says, “I'm not shadow-boxing. I'm pushing my body to make sure I keep going.” Here Paul is picturing himself as a boxer who has to work hard to keep his body in shape because he's going to take on strong opposition.

Any progress you make as a Christian leader comes in the face of stiff opposition. Leadership is not a walk in the park, it's for Christians with backbone and determination. Satan knows that if he takes out a leader, many others will struggle. You sometimes just have to push yourself to keep going. Don't be weak.

3. Be patient (2 Tim 2:6)

Paul says to his mentoree Timothy, “It's the hardworking farmer who reaps the harvest.” Having lived in the country for a few years, I have a great appreciation for farmers. It can be a very frustrating business. But Paul encourages Timothy to keep plugging away because the harvest will eventually come.

God has plans for you but they will not normally be achieved overnight. Sometimes in leadership, it's just a matter of being faithful and patiently waiting. Maybe there's no sign of “rain” at the moment, but it will come if you persevere.

John Sweetman
My baby-boomer generation found perseverance more difficult. We weren't interested (rightly I think) in keeping ineffective ministries going. Who wants to be saddled with a failing and worthless organisation/vision? But if we felt that something was worth investing our efforts in, we were there for the long haul. In 29 years of being a pastor I've only had three major ministries (Kenmore - 9 years, Bracken Ridge - 14 years, Malyon College - 6+ years). That's perseverance.

The succeeding generations have had a significant problem with perseverance. I think that there are a few cultural factors that contribute. Firstly, we now have so many options. My 21 year old son who is finishing his Uni course has potential employers lining up for his services next year. If you're not happy, there are lots of other options out there.

Secondly, everything is changing so rapidly. In this environment, perseverance in leadership could turn out to be a flaw. Circumstances may change and persevering leaders may find themselves doing things that no longer work. They would be better off cutting their losses and trying something new.

Thirdly, everyone has become accustomed to a life with lots of flexibility and variety. We presume that this is our right. Perseverance significantly cuts into flexibility and variety.

Hey, I'm not saying that we should commit our life to just one ministry, persevering no matter what. As I indicated last week, there is a time to stop, a time to move on, a time change, even a time to give up.

But listen to this leadership principle: "We overestimate what we can achieve in one year, and underestimate what we can achieve in five years." Now that's not from the Bible, but have you tested it? What have you done for five years? What is God asking you to do for the next five years? Think about it.

John Sweetman
The very sound of the word "perseverance" feels old-fashioned and boring. These are times of change and freedom. We grasp new opportunities and move on quickly. "Persevering" might mean that you're stuck with the out-of-date and doomed. Why persevere when things get tough or new openings beckon?

I must admit that in the past we may have been prone to flogging dead horses. As a leader, it's just as important to decide what you're not going to do, as to decide what you are going to do. There will always be more opportunities than time and energy will allow. So sometimes you have to say "No." Sometimes you have to move on.

Paul was a good example of this. He was a church planter. He would evangelise an area, plant a church, and then head off to the next town. He didn't hang around too long. Planting was his calling. He was always looking for new opportunities. Sometimes he even moved on in the middle of effective ministry (eg. 2 Cor. 2:12-13).

Jesus was the same. He sacrificially gave himself to people, but there were limits. At times he dismissed the crowd (eg. Matt. 14:22) and on at least one occasion he avoided involvement altogether (John 2:24), despite peoples' interest.

So I'm not trying to push you to tie yourself down forever to a particular ministry. There are times to say, "No." There are times to move on. There are times when you've done enough.

But if short bursts are your pattern, if your enthusiasm and commitment quickly wane, then you probably lack perseverance. This is a dangerous flaw for a Christian leader because it means that you will not develop character. Listen to what Paul says, "We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Rom. 5:3-4). It's persevering when things are tough that produces strong Christian character (a must for a Christian leader).

I'm going to persevere on this one. Next email I want to share some biblical ideas on how to hang in there when the going gets tough.

John

John Sweetman

Last email I suggested that every leader has a trust account with each follower. It's like a bank account where you have a certain account balance and you make deposits and withdrawals. When a leader's trust account balance gets low, followers will no longer trust the leader to lead them. They may withdraw from the leader or even attack the leader.

I spoke, last email, about how to make deposits in your trust account. This email I want to talk about the withdrawals that you make from your trust account.

Causing Withdrawals

As a leader, you must sometimes make calls or do things that will reduce trust. This is inevitable. If possible, make sure that you trust account balance is strong when you do this.  Here’s how to withdraw from your trust account:

1. Bring change. Some people don't like change and some are disadvantaged by change. Any major change that you champion will deplete trust in some circles.
2. Take a stand on an issue. There are certain matters on which you have to take a stand. Whenever you take a stand you will gain trust in some circles and lose it in others. If you find yourself taking a major stand on almost every issue, you will quickly lose trust with most people.
3. Disagree with people. Everyone has an opinion and sometimes their priorities will be different from yours. When you disagree over what is important or what should be done, you will lose some trust.
4. Fail in a ministry program. Disappoint people. No matter how hard you try and how long you pray, some things don't work. The loss of trust at these times will depend on the impact of the failure and whether you are prepared to admit that your plans haven't worked.
5. Lose vision. When people feel that you are no longer calling them to a future that will make a Kingdom difference, some will slowly lose trust in your leadership.
6. Fail in character. Dishonesty, lack of integrity, losing your temper, pride, sexual failure, gossip, etc., all produce withdrawals in your trust account. Some character flaws may mean that recovery of trust is impossible with your team.

It would be nice to think that our trust account could just keep on growing without any withdrawals, but this is impossible. Sometimes the withdrawals are a result of our personal brokenness and sometimes they're a result of our effective leadership. If you think you can pastor without trust withdrawals, you need to study the leadership of Jesus.

But trust is vital for spiritual leadership. People who do not trust, will not follow. Keep on making those deposits, knowing that withdrawals are on the horizon.

John Sweetman

John Sweetman

Every leader has a trust account with each follower. It's like a bank account where you have a certain account balance and you make deposits and withdrawals. When a leader's trust account balance gets low, followers will no longer trust the leader to lead them. They may withdraw from the leader or even attack the leader. So it's important, as a leader, to know how your trust account balance stands.

Some time ago a pastor came to me in disbelief. He thought that things were going really well in his church, but to his complete surprise, the church did not extend his call. It was such a shock to him. Obviously he was completely unaware that his trust account was running very low. So how do you make deposits and what causes withdrawals? Let me briefly share a few ideas on making deposits. Next week I will look at what causes withdrawals of trust.

Making Deposits

1. Love and serve those you lead. When they see that you really care about them, they will trust you more.
2. Listen to those you lead. You don't have to agree with everyone, but people will trust more when they feel that their opinion is being considered. Listen to criticism and make changes when needed. Don't be defensive.
3. Live with integrity. Be honest and real. Share your life. Admit your failures. Show that you can change. Let your heart for God show.
4. Succeed. There's nothing like a few ministry successes to build trust. Of course, success comes from God, so listen to Him and believe.
5. Work hard. Be reliable. Keep your promises and fulfill your commitments. Show that you can be counted on.
6. Hang in there. Trust builds over time. Show that you're prepared for the long haul. Don’t give up easily.

There will come a time when withdrawals from your trust account will be inevitable, so make deposits while you can. Of course, each person you lead will have a different level of trust in you.

How's your trust account at the moment? What are you doing to increase it this week?

John Sweetman

Every leader has a trust account with each follower. It's like a bank account where you have a certain account balance and you make deposits and withdrawals. When a leader's trust account balance gets low, followers will no longer trust the leader to lead them. They may withdraw from the leader or even attack the leader.  So it's important, as a leader, to know how your trust account balance stands.

Some time ago a pastor came to me in disbelief. He thought that things were going really well in his church, but to his complete surprise, the church did not extend his call. It was such a shock to him. Obviously he was completely unaware that his trust account was running very low. So how do you make deposits and what causes withdrawals? Let me briefly share a few ideas on making deposits. Next week I will look at what causes withdrawals of trust.

Making Deposits

1. Love and serve those you lead. When they see that you really care about them, they will trust you more.
2. Listen to those you lead. You don't have to agree with everyone, but people will trust more when they feel that their opinion is being considered. Listen to criticism and make changes when needed. Don't be defensive.
3. Live with integrity. Be honest and real. Share your life. Admit your failures. Show that you can change. Let your heart for God show.
4. Succeed. There's nothing like a few ministry successes to build trust. Of course, success comes from God, so listen to Him and believe.
5. Work hard. Be reliable. Keep your promises and fulfill your commitments. Show that you can be counted on.
6. Hang in there. Trust builds over time. Show that you're prepared for the long haul. Don’t give up easily.

There will come a time when withdrawals from your trust account will be inevitable, so make deposits while you can. Of course, each person you lead will have a different level of trust in you.

How's your trust account at the moment? What are you doing to increase it this week?

John Sweetman