John Sweetman
Facebook and other means of social networking are proving to be very popular in many segments of the population. Some people have recently raised significant concerns about the abuse of Facebook by predators. Others are apprehensive that on-line Facebook relationships can become ineffective substitutes for real-life relationships. This series of articles explores the popularity, use and abuse of Facebook and suggests guidelines for the effective and healthy handling of Facebook.
Using Facebook Healthily
Facebook and other social networking sites look like they’re here to stay. If we can’t or don’t want to hold them back, some of us have to find ways to be at the cutting edge of this change and to shape it in ways that reflect God’s Kingdom values. Here are some thoughts on how to use Facebook well and avoid the possible dangers.
1. Remember Facebook is not a substitute for community. As I’ve already pointed out, Facebook can contribute to the building of community and may assist the maintenance of community that has already been established in another place, but by itself it can build connection but not community. We all need life-on-life relationships from which we cannot escape if things get tough. We need friends who can see us and care for us as we are. We need community not just connection.
Josh: I don’t use it and interestingly the young guys here in the church don’t use it either and have no desire to. We connect during the week by playing sport together or going fishing, etc. In saying that, my wife has found it useful from a ministry and personal perspective with ladies around her age, both within and outside the church.
2. Make sure that Facebook remains a servant and doesn’t become a master. Facebook can move from being a great forum for connection to a dominating activity in our lives. How much is too much Facebook? It depends of course on your context and use of Facebook and the time that you have available, but if you find that sleep or work or friendships or family or relaxation or time with God are suffering, then it’s probably becoming a master. Listen to what the people around you are saying.
Karen: These days I don’t spend much time on it, maybe 10 minutes every 2 days. I can scan for what’s happening and comment and message young people or friends. Any longer, and I feel like I’m losing time I’ll never get back.
Andy: I would spend less than half an hour per day on Facebook. I continually ignore requests to have Facebook farms, cafes, etc. I know people who have all the apps and waste hours.
Merryl: You need to be able to set boundaries and control this medium. For example, I don’t leave the chat option open at all times. It is something that I can use, but I choose to select when I do. I try to be aware of wasting time within this medium.
Jesse: I don’t go online immediately before bed or immediately after waking up. I give myself space to focus on the moment and get in touch with God
3. Your Facebooking must be grace-filled. People can be especially harsh, egotistical, self-serving, and arrogant on-line. They justify it by saying they’re just being honest, but in fact they’re being proud, unloving, judgmental and just plain sinful. You can have a mighty fine argument, you can make some impressive statements, you can be incredibly right, but without love it’s all just damaging hot air (1 Cor. 13:1-3). There certainly is a place to speak your mind and tell the truth, just make sure it’s full of grace and motivated by love.
Merryl: Here are some biblical guidelines that I find helpful. 1. Are my comments and posts fitting and appropriate? (Eph. 4:29) 2. Are my comments and posts true and written in love? (Eph. 4:15, 25) 3. Are my posts and comments wise and non-inflammatory? (Matt. 10:16) 4. Are my comments really self-seeking? (Rom. 2:8) 5. Are my comments and posts praiseworthy? (Phil. 4:8)
Rachel: I think that our mantra at school is very helpful in checking my Facebook postings: “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?”
4. Be aware of the public nature of Facebook. This is a big issue. Remember that whatever you put on Facebook will be read by a wide variety of “friends.” It’s like telling everyone at a party. Don’t have your closest friends in mind when you post on Facebook, but write for the general public. You are not anonymous. Don’t say things that you would not like your parents or children or workmates or church family to hear. If it helps, think “How would I feel if my pastor or my boss or God read this?” Nothing is absolutely secure on Facebook. You can have no secrets. Don’t say things that you will later regret. Be very careful. I’m not saying don’t be authentic. Just don’t say the authentic things you would say to an intimate friend.
Jeff: I am not a user of Facebook and I have come to the conclusion I never will be. Among my responsibilities, I am chaplain to the local police. Their basic line to anyone using any social networking site is the following, “If you aren’t prepared to show what you put on these sites to your worst enemy – THEN DON’T SAY IT!” When you sign up to Facebook you hand over all your rights to your Facebook information. Even in the most secure security setting (apparently) anyone can get in through the backdoor to your page and take what they want. You can never remove what you place on your page, no matter how much you think you can control it.
Bruce: My biggest concern with Christians using Facebook is that many of them, some pastors and missionaries included, often forget that on Facebook their audience is more than their Christian friends. It includes many non-church people. These Christians so often talk about Christian things in front of these non-Christians in a way that they would never do face to face and in a way that is in my opinion very unwise and unhelpful to the promotion of the gospel.
Karen: No one reads my page and then thinks they know all about me. We should all be selective about what we reveal about ourselves as appropriate to the context. More damage is done on Facebook through over exposure than lack of openness. For example, young people declare their loves, dates, and post photos of parties. All posts they may one day be embarrassed by.
Chris: I personally have some very strong reservations about the use of Facebook because of the huge security holes in the programme. Admittedly Facebook is trying to address the issue.
5. Be careful about forming inappropriate relationships. The intimacy of Facebook can provide a fertile ground for the development of relationships that are unhealthy and inappropriate. I realise that this can happen anywhere, but Facebook offers an easily accessible and somewhat private environment for people to get close, especially as many of the difficulties of real relationships can be avoided. Predators are a danger for younger people, but more prevalent is the problem of people connecting with friends and old flames when their marriages are not going well or they’re feeling vulnerable. Be careful. Guard your heart. Choose your friends wisely.
Carl: I do have deep concerns about Facebook. So much so that when I was a chaplain in Timor I removed my own profile. I was on Facebook and did value the chance to catch up with some young people from when I was a high school chaplain. However, I was very troubled by the serious and sometimes fatal damage that was done to relationships when people revealed too much of themselves and/or entered into inappropriate relationships. This was true of both the serving personnel who were lonely and their partners back in Australia who were also lonely.
Mark: Some of the married couples in our church have joint Facebook accounts. This is a great protection against any building of inappropriate relationships. I think it’s very wise.
6. Be aware of and honest about your reasons for Facebooking. Maybe you’re looking for a close circle of friends that you can share with. Then be upfront about it and be selective in who you accept as friends. Maybe you’re wanting to grow your influence with as many people as possible. Then certainly invite and accept lots of people, but don’t try to treat them all as close friends. Maybe you just want to see what happening among your friends and family, but don’t want to participate. Great. Don’t feel pressured to do any more. Maybe you’re mainly using Facebook to stay in touch with overseas missionaries. That’s very useful. There are many different ways Facebook can be used. Remember that Facebook is a tool. You can control it. Don’t let the Facebook system or the expectations of your fellow Facebookers control you. Know why you’re doing it, be upfront about it where appropriate, and shape your time and approach accordingly.
Merryl: If your sole aim with your page is to grow your church or organisation then be honest about it. Don’t present it as friendship when that is not really your motivation. I consistently encounter sites that are supposed to be for personal use but that are forever posting about their amazing church or pastor or ministry.
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