Criticism

John Sweetman

Criticism is one form of conflict that you will inevitably face if you take on a leadership role. Critiquing is normal. We all do it constantly.

You don’t believe me? Every time you talk to someone about a sermon you’ve heard or an article you’ve read, or a podcast you’ve heard, you critique it (positively or negatively or both). Many events you attend you will critique at some point. Most of this criticism or critiquing, the leader never hears, but don’t think it doesn’t happen. It’s a given for leadership.

There is only one way to avoid criticism – don’t do anything!

But there are very few of us who take criticism easily. We like to believe that we are doing well. We like to think that everyone appreciates what we have done. Negative criticism hurts when we have tried so hard. And some of us are so critical of our own performance that the last thing we want to hear is someone who agrees with us.

So generally people don’t say anything to us unless they have a blunt personality or they’re really hurting or frustrated. This is disappointing because we miss out on the growth opportunity that criticism brings and we may well be encouraging people to disobey Jesus (Matt. 18:15). Here’s a few ideas:

1. Expect criticism. Try not to be dismissive when people are brave (or stupid) enough to say something to you. Be thankful that they’re not saying it behind your back.

2. Be proactive and ask for criticism from those you trust, who really care about you. I know this is tough, but it’s incredibly healthy and freeing. Give your friends or mentors permission to critique your attitudes and what you are doing.

3. Listen carefully to criticism and don’t immediately defend yourself. Almost every criticism has some grain of truth.

4. Recognise the opportunity for growth. Maybe the criticism is incorrect, but God can use it to grow your character.

5. See people as broken. Their criticisms may be partly driven by their own pain. No-one is perfect. Everyone has faults. Don’t come down too hard on them if their criticism is painful for you. They’re broken too.

6. Forgive the critic if needed. If you only love those who love you, Jesus said that you’re just like the pagans (Matt. 5:43-47). Forgive your critics, love them, and pray for them. Jesus will help you.

7. Don’t torture yourself. Yes, you’re broken too. That’s no surprise. Yet God loves you heaps. If you decide that the criticism has no truth or value, then let it be. Allowing it to run around in your head will help no-one.

8. Don’t keep talking about it with others. You don’t need to sell your innocence. God will vindicate you. By all means share it with a trusted friend or mentor to get their perspective, but don’t go on about it.

To be honest, I struggle with criticism as much as most people. But I’m slowly learning. (Just don’t tell me that you didn’t like this article!! I’m kidding, I think.)

Craig Groeschel

Tons of churches have attempted small groups only to abort shortly after takeoff. I’ll share the top 10 ways to ensure the failure of your group.

Today we’ll cover the first 5:

1. Make sure the senior pastor isn’t in a group. If small groups aren’t modeled by the pastor, they won’t have much of a chance for success. (Amy and I host two small groups in our home.)
2. Make sure the senior pastor doesn’t talk about small groups. If small groups don’t ever find their way into a sermon, it will help reduce the likelihood of success.
3. Make sure small groups are not staffed or resourced properly. To guarantee your groups fail, don’t staff them, buy them curriculum, announce them, or get your best volunteers involved.
4. Make sure small group leaders aren’t trained. When you do get some small group leaders, don’t train them. Let them figure it out on their own.
5. Make sure the church doesn’t address childcare needs. Pretend like all small groups don’t have any child care needs. Don’t open the church one or two nights a week to provide child care. Don’t pay for childcare like I’ve heard North Point does. Ignore childcare needs completely.

Have you seen churches that are handling these issues effectively? If so, how?

Conflict is Normal

John Sweetman

Over the next few weeks I will write about working through conflict. If you have not already noticed, being a Christian leader inevitably means facing and dealing with conflict. This is painful for almost all leaders, and can be particularly discouraging for younger leaders.

The pressure of dealing with conflict knocks many people out of Christian leadership, so it’s a big issue. I certainly don’t have all the answers (I still struggle with conflict myself), but I hope that a few of the things I share might help. Here’s a few basics to start us off.

1. Conflict is a Reality
All churches and Christian organisations face conflict. Sometimes it’s because people are selfish, sinful and difficult, but often it’s just because we’re different. Because of our differing personalities, backgrounds and experiences, we view faith and life and ministry in different ways. While we have a huge amount in common, we find these differing priorities and perspectives painful and frustrating. We think that we know best, because it’s certainly best for us, and it’s tough to compromise. So conflict among Christians is guaranteed. I‘m sorry, but it’s coming to your ministry.

2. Conflict is a Danger
Some of us have been through extremely damaging conflicts – either personally or in organisations. In serious conflict, reputations can be destroyed, trust can be violated, friendships can be broken, and lives can be shattered. Conflict can do immense harm to individuals and the church. Most churches have a constant stream of hurting new people coming to the church who have been deeply affected by church conflict (and probably have a stream of people leaving the church for the same reason). Conflict endangers the unity that is so essential to the life and witness of Christians.

3. Conflict is an Opportunity
But conflict does not have to be destructive. It is possible to move through conflict and find strengthened relationships, deeper trust, broadened perspectives, new energy, and stronger commitment and unity. Conflict provides an opportunity for growth and change. In fact, it is difficult to grow without facing and working through conflict. So we can tackle conflict with a degree of optimism. If we can handle a conflict well, and people stay focused on the issue (not the people), then new energy, commitment and trust emerges. Conflict is not the end. It may be the beginning of something new and powerful if we can get through it healthily.

Craig Groeschel

Several of my close pastor friends have recently spoken out against the effectiveness of small groups. Although I have tremendous respect for these men and will always honor them, I disagree with their views of small groups.

This week, we’ll talk about:

1. Why I Still Believe in Small Groups

I still love small groups because:

• They follow the early church model of meeting in homes.

• They are a tremendous tool for discipleship. I prefer small groups to Wednesday night large group teaching because it gives people a chance to interact. I prefer small groups to Sunday School simply because you don’t have to build the expensive extra classroom space.

• They get more people involved using their gifts of hospitality, teaching, exhortation, etc.

• They engage the body of Christ in pastoral care. Instead of the pastors being the only ones who care for believers, small groups spread the load and utilize gifted lay people.

• They build leaders.

• Done well, they become a tremendous tool of retention. People want to be needed and known. Small groups make both possible.

• They have unlimited meeting space. You can’t run out of homes, restaurants, apartments, or coffee shops in which to meet.

• They have unlimited meeting times. In today’s busy world, a once-a-week discipleship opportunity will not work for the majority of your church. Small groups offer unlimited times to meet.

• They have changed my life. My family’s small group is like our extended family. God has used them to bless us in untold ways.

Does your church have small groups? If so, how are they working for you?

From Ed Stetzer’s Blog

Question: What do you think about preaching verse-by-verse messages through books of the Bible?

Andy: Guys that preach verse-by-verse through books of the Bible– that is just cheating. It’s cheating because that would be easy, first of all. That isn’t how you grow people. No one in the Scripture modeled that. There’s not one example of that.
All Scripture is equally inspired, but not all Scripture is equally applicable or relevant to every stage of life. My challenge is to read culture and to read an audience and ask: What is the felt need? Or perhaps what is more important, what is an unfelt need they need to feel that I can address? Because if they don’t feel it, then they won’t address it.

So how can I make them feel an unfelt need and then make them feel like they need to do something about it? But when you do that, people are like, “Man, that is amazing. You’re brilliant.” No, all you have done is unearthed a need and you talked about it. “I have never heard anyone talk about that before.” Probably, no one has ever made you feel that before. So they talked about it, but it didn’t register because they didn’t make you feel like you needed to hear about it to start with.

I believe the true defining moment of my life as a communicator took place when I was in seminary. I was asked to do a chapel for the high school academy at First Baptist Church, Dallas. So I got the message all ready to go, and I was going to preach on the story of Naaman. And God told him to dip in the water seven times and he would be healed. I had all this great stuff. And I was sitting in my one-room efficiency apartment and I was thinking, “These kids have heard everything. They go to church all the time. They are not going to remember this. This is just another chapel. What can I do so that they can remember this? I am just going to come up with one phrase and I am going to say it so many times that they can’t possibility forget it.”

So I came up with this phrase: “To understand why, submit and apply.” That was over 30 years ago and I still remember it. So I told the whole story. And I said the bottom line was: “To understand why, submit and apply. ” And I said that God is going to ask you to do some things that you might not understand why, but you must submit and apply. I had them say it over and over.

Three years go by, and I am working in the college department in the same church and a freshman walks in and says, “I remember you. To understand why, submit and apply.” He didn’t remember my name. He wasn’t even sure where he had seen me before. But it stuck in his head. And I’ll never forget thinking, “That is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to take all this stuff in the Bible, and I want to say it so simply that it gets so lodged in people’s hearts that in the moment of transition or temptation or whatever it might be, they think: What is that statement? What is that phrase?”

It is hard to take things down to that level…to help people see things from God’s perspective. That was huge for me. I think it defined what effective preaching or effective communication is for me. It isn’t three points or four points. It’s really one point that is somehow connected to a passage and it is connected to a life. And then you should stop talking because you are done.

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